DMV - The Sequel

I always feel like I can't do it, that I can't go through with a movie. But then I do go through with it after all. Meryl Streep

So, if you read my entry of last week re the DMV, then you know where I stand on the issue of that venerable institution. If you didn't read it, then I can sum it up in one phrase--"run screaming from the building and do not look back."

People tell me that I always have a story. I guess that's true.The DMV is no exception. So, sit back and enjoy.

If you recall, I was rebuffed by the DMV because my state-issued birth certificate was unacceptable. Rhode Island is such a tiny state, it seems, that Colorado does not acknowledge it as part of the United States, so I am, in fact, perceived as an illegal alien in the motor vehicle system! This morning, I pranced into the DMV with my genuine US-issued passport, right up to the gal at the info booth and was awarded the coveted wait-in-line number within minutes of my arrival. Humph! How far I've come! And, only seventeen numbers to wait--a mere fraction in DMV time.

Of course, 10 minutes into my wait, the mother with the loudest voice in the world entered, with her mousy husband and two perfect children in tow. Now I love kids; Ive actually produced a couple of my own--but geeze, why is it that some parents think that the sun rises and sets on their children and that everyone in the room must be in agreement with this assessment? For the next 30 minutes I, along with every other poor sucker there--about 3, 276 of us, if my calculations are correct--was subjected to a litany of "Alex, do you need to go potty?" Alex, Buddy, what color is that crayon? Blue?? Oh, you are the brightest child in the world!" (The crayon was red.) "Alex, you must share your crayons with your baby brother (who was no more than three months old, I swear!)." "Alex. your hair is a mess--do you think we should comb it?" To his credit, Alex pretty much ignored the barrage.

Poor mousy husband never uttered a word the entire time, although he was very good at following commands from the loudest mother in the world. I couldn't help but wonder what their relationship had been like before the children. Did he take her breath away, did she give him long leisurely massages,? Did they enjoy the Sunday paper in bed? Go out on dates? How did they get to this? Love your children for sure--nurture them, lavish them with attention build their self-esteem, but at least talk to the person (about something other than the children) with whom you procreated these beings once in a while!!

Wait! It gets better. I came to overhear as the loudest mother in the world took a break from Alex long enough to complain to her seatmate (not mousy husband, but an anonymous stranger) that the whole family had come out kit 'n caboodle so that she could apply for her new driver's license! I kid you not--poor mousy husband and the two kids didn't even need to be there. I swear she made them come so she could have someone to talk at while she waited.

As Alex was being loudly admonished for having dry skin and needing lotion on his face, (apparently spitting on a Kleenex and swabbing the kid is no longer socially acceptable) my number was finally called. Phew! Not a moment too soon, for I was about to clobber the loudest mother in the world. (I should digress here by telling you that Alex seemed to be quite content all this time and could have cheerfully existed on child-auto-pilot without Mom's incessant yammering!) Anyway, I saw D742 on the board and trudged up to the counter (the loudest mother in the world having sucked the life out of me), plunked down my passport and explained that I needed a replacement driver's license. The clerk picked up my documentation ("it's authentic, I swear," I wanted to scream!) frowned a moment, conferred with his cohort at the next desk and then looked me in the eye and said, "Sorry Ma'am our computers just went down. It could be five minutes or all day before they come back online."

I left...I thought it best before someone was hurt.....but I will return. If Meryl Steep can suck it up to do a movie (see quote above) then I too, will persevere! The saga continues.....