Itch This!

When the itch becomes annoying enough, you scratch it.

Robert Penn Warren

Okay--I admit it. I have a particular sensitivity to the "B" word. Well, let me clarify that; I actually like the "B" word as a verb or an adjective. For illustrative purposes, I will use it in some sentences; but being a PG-rated column even on my worst day (unless you count my occasional rants about the DMV), I will substitute another word that also serves well in both a noun, verb and adjective format. Oh...let's see...something suitable and not too far-fetched. Let's substitute the word "itchy". Yes, I'm sure it's close enough to drive the point home.

It is perfectly acceptable, you see, for you tell me I am "acting itchy" about something. As in, "being at the DMV makes Maureen itchy." Another great use? "That is an itchin' wedding ceremony, you just put together there, Maureen." (True--and a compliment to boot.) "Maureen gets itchy when people are chronically late, use bad grammar and are unkind to children." Yep--just roll me in the sumac and turn the mosquitoes loose--I own it!

You get my point. What I can't stand is the "B" word used as noun, as in "You are an itch!" At that point, the word is more than descriptive--it becomes a label--a categorization of who I am in the (deranged or at the very least highly uninformed!) mind of the speaker. An itch? I think not! Granted, that may be because my ex used that term as his favorite "pet name" for me at least once per week during the last two years we were together (but I'm not bitter.) More likely, it's because of its over-use--especially by men--to describe any chore, personality attribute or task that is unpleasant to them, or at which they have no aptitude. Hence, we hear, "You are an itch." when really what they mean is "you just made a valid point and I am intimidated by you and can't think of anything to say that is equally as clever, so I will throw out the "B" word in the hope that it will so inflame and insult you that you will rendered speechless." SCORE!!!!

Then there is the ever-ubiquitous, "What an itch!"generally said with an accompanying eye roll and exasperated sigh when the woman in question is not acting according to "good girl" standards of being seen and not heard, or (GASP!) daring to be assertive in the face of a controversial situation. While we forgive this betrayal of our own when it is perpetrated by pubescent females referring to mothers, teachers, and any other female authority figure over the age of 21, it is appalling to admit the number of adult members of my own gender who are also all-too-frequent utterers of this phrase. This occurs, most notably when the woman being referenced is one's mother-in-law, or perhaps towards a female who politely asks another to please refrain from talking loudly into her cell phone expounding on her latest blowup with the beau, or a stylist who gave one a bad haircut and refused to apologize!

Yet it was a most enlightened man (and for those of you who know me, no...it was NOT Jeremy; that is a word I rarely hear him use--whether it's because of his gentle nature or because I put the fear of God into him about that word on our first date, I will never know!) who told me the other day that the "bad part" about running my own business is that I have to "be the itch" and take care of the business end of things (i.e communicate the price for the service rendered, negotiate the terms of the contract and collect the funds).

Wow! I was pretty surprised. I'm one of those people who has the "fun" (at least I always thought it was fun) of being able to engage the imaginative and emotive aspects of my right brain (in performing ceremonies as well as bonding with couples) in harmony with the mathematical, logical and written word skills of my left brain. Naive me! I thought that was an asset that set me apart and made me unique. I pride myself on being able to market the business, pay the bills, and keep all the i's dotted and the t's crossed while getting to engage the creative and interpersonal aspects of my personality as well. I love all aspects of what I do and can't imagine that the touchy feely aspects of the wedding business are any more desirable or socially-acceptable than the more logical, detailed portions.

Have we made so little progress that savvy businesswomen tolerate (even expect) the label of the B word when they successfully harmonize right-brain functions with those of the left? Believe me when I told you that the person who spoke these words to me is truly an open-minded individual whom I greatly admire. This is not about him and I have no intention of shooting the messenger. He just happened to be the one who said it last. In fact, I didn't even pick up on the impact of the statement until much later. The fact that I was not immediately stunned is indicative of a societal pathos that perpetuates the "B-word" stereotype, when in reality a woman might be simply a fair, articulate, shrewd, savvy, big-picture oriented leader! I resolve to be careful to my own over-usage of that word--of which I admit guilt, both in describing myself (inappropriately and incorrectly, I might add) as well as other women (ditto). What was I thinking?

Granted, I might never desensitize myself to the B word as noun, but if the definition I outlined in the last paragraph is what it really means, then....welll...just call me itchy!